`Supreme Evangelist Anselm, you assaulted the complainant, Cornelius. His lips are stitched, his face swollen. Just look at what you have done to your fellow human being. Why? This is a most unholy behaviour for a man of God, the head of the Church Of Modern Day Messiahs. Why will you not practice what you preach? You are supposed to love your neighbour as yourself! How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?’ The magistrate asked.
`Your lordship, guilty with reason!’ Supreme Evangelist Anselm replied without hesitation.
Laughter in court.
`Silence in my court!’ The magistrate shouted. Then he glared at the defendant and insisted, `Do not qualify your answer please.’
`My lord, I did it but I’m not guilty.’
More laughter in court.
The magistrate silenced the court by looking sternly round the room. Then he shrugged. `Okay, I enter a plea of guilty. Supreme Evangelist Anselm, before I sentence you, have you anything to say?’
Supreme Evangelist Anselm, seemingly shocked, asked, `Sentence? How can you be talking of sentencing me? Is this not the heart of black Africa? Has Lagos become another Sodom and Gomorrah? What is this world coming to?’
`Supreme Evangelist Anselm!’
`Do you have a son?’
`What? This case has nothing to do with my family life,’ the magistrate snarled.
`Mr Magistrate, if you catch a naked man, dog fashion, on top of your own naked son what would you do?’
`Good heavens! Man, what are you saying?’ The magistrate exclaimed, mouth open. Then he added hurriedly, `Case adjourned,’ and walked out of the court room.
Later, they sat in an apartment, the magistrate, the investigating police officer, Supreme Evangelist Anselm, his son, Cornelius and his father.
The magistrate said, `Supreme Evangelist, the moment I realised where your plea was leading I decided the less the publicity the better and adjourned the case to avert disaster for both parties. In simple language, I wanted to help you. Now tell me exactly what happened?’
`We caught them in the act. They were like two dogs.’
`How? What exactly did you catch them doing? Where?’
`A neighbour’s son reported that he had seen them once or twice go into an abandoned building nearby. So, we were on the lookout until we actually caught them in the act.’
`Doing what exactly?’
`Magistrate, I do not know how to put this. It is embarrassing for me. It is normal for a man and a woman to, you know, have sex. I am familiar with that. That is as God intended. But for this man to jump on my son I do not know what to call it.’
`Well, you can call it what you like. When you say “we’’, what do you mean?’
`I and two of my neighbours saw them.’
`Oooh, okay. So you saw your son behaving unnaturally with another person’s son and you were so outraged that you attacked the other person, you brutalised him. In fact you were protecting your son.’
`Yes, if I had a gun I would have shot this animal!’
`I understand. I might have done the same or even worse had I been in your place. So your extreme anger obscured reason. And in your calling being so preoccupied with saving souls you forgot reality.’
`What reality did I forget?’
`Maybe you don’t read the papers or listen to radio? You do not know that our law prescribes fourteen years jail term for sodomy.’
`Fourteen years!’
`Yes, fourteen years for each of the people involved in sexual acts against the order of nature, sodomy. Since your son is clearly an adult the officer should have arrested both men for sodomy.’
Supreme Evangelist Anselm was speechless.
`Nothing you have said indicates that your son was being raped. So if Cornelius was not forcing your son into the act it means he was an active and enthusiastic participant.’
Reverend Anselm kept mum.
`That means your son is a pervert too. You told me just now that your neighbour’s son had seen both parties once or twice go into the abandoned building. So your son has been doing it willingly and will do it again. Supreme Evangelist Anselm, you have my sympathy. But my candid advice to you is that instead of battering whoever you catch on top of your son you should embark on prayers, fasting and vigils for his and the complainant’s deliverance from the devil. In the meantime the less you say about this matter the better for everybody concerned. And if I see you or your son in my court in future on this type of case I will ensure the law takes its course. As for you Cornelius I advise that you go and take care of your injuries and thereafter keep your abnormal carnal urge in check.’
This story is from my book Bitter Sweet which can be downloaded from Amazon Kindle.