My difficult eighteen months stint in the Nigerian College of Arts, Science & Technology, Enugu, without scholarship and not knowing where the next money would come from had its comic moments including hiding from the stewards trying to chase me out of the dining hall and sometimes locking me out of my room. It also had its bizzare moments. One of those moments was the talk of the Campus for months.
One day, a wizened security guard had gone into the bush behind the dormitories and was behind a clump of tall grass with his fly unzipped urinating when he beheld somebody fall off a tree. He rubbed his eyes wondering what the man was doing on a tree that was not a fruit tree. He zipped up and as he went nearer he saw the man climb up the tree again! He was shocked when the man fell off the tree again. He came nearer and saw somebody he recognised as a student who had a room on the second floor of one of the male blocks. His mouth was open in surprise as the student made to climb the tree again.
He shouted, `Wetin you dey do?’
The startled student who had not noticed him approach turned and replied, `I am tired of this life. I want to end it all!’
The shocked security said, ` You mean say you wan kill yaself?’
`Yes I am fed up with life. I want to die.’
`È be like say ah sabi you. You day for Land Survey Department. Abi?’’
`Yes. What will I tell my parents? This is the second year I am failing this exam. I am just tired of life.’
`Oga, na because you fail exam you wan kill yaself?’
`Yes, I am tired of this life.’
The security guard cackled derisively. `Oga, ah no tink say you wan die.’
`What? Why do you say that? I want to die.’
`Oga, come, Make ah show you. Just follow me.’
Olu followed him. Very soon they stood in front of his hostel block. The security guard pointed to the second floor. He said, `Oga, no be ya block be dis. Ya room dey for second floor abi?’
`Yes. That is my room up there.’ Olu pointed in the direction of his room.
`Oga, why you go disturb dat small tree way just dey mind him business? You for just jump from dat yah window. When you land for dis concrete where we dey stand na die be dat. Oga, you just dey do shakara. Na you be de first person way fail exam?’ He left Olu and walked away.
Of course some students had gathered and heard the altercation. Olu sheepishly climbed the stairs to his room. How he got over the scandal that followed him over the next few weeks I cannot tell. Me, I had my own problems.


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